The Pain Game
by Zinc2100
Summary: How far are the vault hunters willing to hurt themselves for treasure? Cursing, blood and gore warning. Oneshot.


**The Pain Game**

The vault hunters all stood at the first floor of the HQ, all doing different things. Zero was busy sharpening his sword. Gaige kept occupied upgrading Deathtrap. Maya immersed herself deeply in a book about fairytales. Salvador entertained himself by comparing all of his guns he just got from their last loot run. Axton was reflecting on his past by looking at his ring. While everyone was doing their own thing, Krieg was arguing with himself in the corner of the room.

"Shut up tiny man!" Krieg yelled to his inner voice.

"How am I tiny? We're the exact same person." His inner voice said.

"I'm the slaughter of good and evil! The beater of puppies and killer of all posers. You're a pillow that lies about comfort and gives no pain at all!" Krieg said.

*Sigh*"That's the last time I try to get you to eat actual food. " His inner voice said. The vault hunters all looked up and noticed the man clad in as much scars as black came in.

"Hey Slabs." Brick said to all of them.

"Hey Brick." Maya said." What's that you're holding?"

Everyone eyes went to the object in Brick's hand. It was a golden chest the size of a adult skag."It's a chest one of my men found."

"And you haven't cracked it open yet?" Axton said.

"Nope, I have no need for it." Brick said.

Just like Christmas morning. Like a frickin level up. The vault hunters sensed treasure and power in the chest and all for free. It was all too tempting for them to refuse.

"Hey brick, you need some help with that?" Maya asked while getting up and putting down her book.

"You'll break your back helping him, let me do it." Axton said while also getting up. Salvador ran up and cut in front of both of them.

"Me and Brick are amigos. No, bloodlust hermanos. I should get it." Salvador said to them.

"The loot chest deserves/ a person of higher skill/ a being like me." Zero said.

"Guys, guys!" Gaige screamed from the back of the room." We can't fight over loot like this. We should pick the most logical choice in this. Obviously it should go to me since my birthday is coming up."

"That's in three months!" Axton yelled.

"That is sooner than yours." Gaige retorted back.

The whole room went into an uproar about who should get the treasure. Krieg was oddly content with himself in the corner. He seemed perfectly fine with his rusty, bloody buzz axe.

"Chill out." Brick yelled to all of them. They all immediately listened to what he had to say." I got a better way to handle this than ripping out each other's throats."

"And that is?" Gaige asked.

"Let's settle this with a game." Brick said. After a while of convincing everyone to comply, they all went upstairs and sat at a table and listened to Brick while he explained the rules.

"This, is the pain game. Whoever starts off first has to hurt themselves and the next person has to one-up them."

"How is this better than ripping out each other's throats?" Maya asked from across the table.

"Because you're gonna be ripping out your own, and I'm gonna be laughing." Brick answered. "We're gonna settle the order like this." Brick held a fistful of straws in his hand." Whoever picks the shortest goes first. The longest goes last."

On that, everyone looked at Krieg. If he was to get the shortest straw than it's all over. Kiss all that loot goodbye. No one would be able to one up this sick, sadistic, suicidal psycho. They all reached in and pulled their straws. Hoping that if they can go before Krieg, they might have a chance to win.

"Oh thank god." Maya said as she saw that she had the shortest.

"Might as well just end it after me." Axton said. He had the second smallest.

"I might have to shoot myself, but that won't be the worst thing I've done." Gaige, the third one in the line-up said.

"Damn, fourth, how boring/ You better not be boring/ I want a challenge." Zero said.

"For once I'm glad my straw isn't that long." The fifth person to have lay pain on himself , Salvador said. Krieg just sat silently looking at his straw, which was the longest.

"Ok, Maya you're up first." Brick said.

Everybody looked over to the siren and waited for what she was about to do. They all expected she would use her powers. How though was the question. What she did however, no one saw coming.

"Did you just pinch yourself?" Axton asked in disbelief.

"Not just any pinch, a siren pinch. Very painful." Maya explained.

"That's about as painful as a pup skag's bite chica." Salvador complained. Leaning in to make his words more impactful.

"Besides your shield took that hit, you didn't even feel it." Gaige said.

"Gaige is right." Brick said. "Everybody take off your shield and lay it on the table."

"Damn it, should of shut up." Gaige said as she put her shield on the table. Everyone else did also, but Krieg just sat there waiting.

"Come on Krieg, I thought you hated shields." Brick said.

"Blue bar at Zero." Krieg explained to him.

"Oh, he got the rough rider on. He's good Brick, he's gonna be feeling all this." Axton said.

"Since we got that out of the way." Brick calmly said. Everyone then looked at Maya again, expecting her to not bitch out again. She gulped and looked around thinking about what she could do that won't hurt as much.

"Come on Maya. Use your powers to like blow up your mind like that guy at Sawtooth." Gaige said.

"Just don't pinch yourself again. That looked too painful. I can't take seeing that again." Axton sarcastically said.

Maya pulled out a pistol from gods knows where and looked at the barrel nervously. A deep breath later, she aimed the gun at her head and pulled the trigger. The blow made her head reel. The sound from the gunshot being too close to her deafen her for seconds. It felt like a truck just hit her skull, but it didn't puncture it. Too much Hp. It didn't take too long for her to recover.

"Hahaha! Now that's how you start off this game. With a bang!" Brick said. Axton took out his pack and offered some health vials to Maya. Although she appreciated his offer, her powers already started kicking in and she was healing.

"Your turn Axton." Brick said.

"What I got planned we can't do in this room." Axton said. Then he got up and lead everyone to the junkyard.

"What are you planning to do here?" Salvador asked.

"I'm going to talk to Claptrap." Axton said. Everyone gasped. Completely shocked by his guts.

'Axton are you sure? This is going to hurt you a lot more than you need. It's going to scar you." Maya said.

"I'm gonna be ok. It's just a conversation, how bad can it be?" Axton famous last words. He turned away from the group and walked over to Claptrap.

"How long you think he's gonna last?" Brick asked to everyone.

Salvador was the first to answer." One thousand for one minute."

"I'll bet for five." Zero said.

"Three minutes for me." Gaige said.

Maya was hesitant and a little bit disgusted by the game everyone was starting.

"Are you guys really betting on how long he lives?" Maya asked.

Brick casually addressed her," Yup, you don't have to, but you're gonna miss out on a whole mess of money."

With a sigh and a shake of her head, Maya agreed to the bet," Fine, one thousand on thirty seconds."

"Wow, even I have more faith in him than you chica." Salvador said.

"Well he stands behind his turret all the time, so you can see why I chose that." Maya said.

Brick looked at Krieg, who was quiet and standing behind everyone, "You're not going to bet anything?"

Krieg didn't answer him back. He instead just stood there and looked forward. Brick shrugged and turned to see what will happen to Axton.

Axton walked up behind Claptrap. He saw him tinkering with some junk in his corner. Axton took a deep breath and then addressed him.

"Hey Claptrap.."

Claptrap span around fast and greeted Axton with a high pitched, "MINION! I'm so glad that you've finally made the smart decision to accept my generous offer."

Axton raised a brow to his statement."What offer?"

"My offer I gave you a week ago. We were at Moxxi's bar and I kept telling you to give up being a vault hunter and join my army so we can make everyone on Pandora my minion. MUHAHAHAH!"

It took a while for Axton to remember that, since he omitted that from his memory right after it happened by chugging sixteen beers. Once it came back, it felt like he just took a bullet to the head." Now I know how Maya feels." He thought.

"Oh yea, I remember that." Axton said.

"So before you can be a part of my army I'll have to give you the uniform." Claptrap took some trashy looking clothes and a box from his junk pile."Here you go."

Axton looked at the clothes that Claptrap handed him. On top was a box in the shape of Claptrap with his likeness drawn poorly on. The shirt was orange with Claptrap's #1 minion written on it. And the pants...was a wheel.

"Now all we have to do is get Zed to replace your meat walking sticks with that wheel and the first part of your initiation will be complete." Claptrap said.

Axton felt like his brain was on fire. He didn't know how long he could last," What is the second part of the initiation?" Axton asked between clenched teeth.

"You will have to write all the things you love about me."

Anger rose to a fever pitch, Axton brain felt like it was smoldering now. He had just enough. He dropped the clothes, pulled out his Nukem, and blew himself to smithereens. What was left of him spattered all over Claptrap.

"Why does that always happen?" Claptrap asked.

Maya thrust her hands in the air in victory." Yes, I win pay up los- I mean poor Axton. That must have really hurt. But seriously pay up."

Everyone gave their $1,000 to Maya and then went over to the fast travel station. They heard the comment the machine said as Axton digistructed.

"Your new body has been made along with all the painful memories leading to your death that will be etched in your mind forever."

Axton walked passed everyone without a word. Salvador asked him where he was going.

"I'm going to drink until I forget I'm a man." Axton replied.

"That shouldn't take long." Brick said, then they all laughed."You're next Gaige."

"Ok." Gaige sounded nervous when she answered. "Follow me to my grave I guess."

Everyone went to the edge of Sanctuary. No one else was there except for them. Gaige stared down at the endless sky below them.

"So you're going to jump off Sanctuary?" Maya said.

"That's not more painful than blowing yourself up." Brick said.

"Definitely not worser than talking to Claptrap." Salvador said.

"Well..." Gaige began." It is a realllly long drop and we don't know what's down there."

Everyone started pondering what Gaige might fall on. They verbally announced what was on their mind, to Gaige's dismay.

"She might fall in a pit full of skags." Maya said.

"Or a pit full of spikes." Salvador said.

"What if there's nothing there and she just keeps falling." Brick said. On that, everyone looked at him completely flabbergasted at what he just said."What?"

"Ok,well...Geronimo!" Gaige leapt off and started screaming once she got to terminal velocity. Everyone back at Sanctuary could still hear her scream. She slowly started to fade away as she vanished from their view. They all went to the fast travel station that Gaige will digistruct at. A flash of light appeared before them, along with Gaige.

"Ow, oohh, that hurted so badly. Especially more than being blown up. Ugh, I'm hurting like, everywhere." Gaige said.

"Damn, my guess is wrong. Good thing we didn't bet on it. What did you fall on?" Brick said.

"Umm..." Gaige started toying with her hands and looked everywhere in the area." It was a pit of skags."

"Yes! I win again. Pay u-" Maya was interrupted by Zero's sudden movement. Zero moved closer to Gaige and observed her closely. Even though she couldn't see his face, she could feel him staring her down with an angry expression.

"Liar." Zero said.

"What?!' Gaige exclaimed."I-I totally fell down there! the skags mauled me after I fell."

Zero shook his head, with his arms folded. Denying all claims of her being honest.

"Well you don't have proof." Gaige said.

"Why yes I do."

Everyone turned to the voice that came from the darkness in the corner. Out from the shadow came Marshal Friedman.

"Aw skag balls." Gaige whispered under her breath.

Friedman came walking over to the group with his finger pointed directly at Gaige." This little lady is a dirty little cheater." Friedman said.

"Where's your proof?" Maya asked.

"When she came back, the machine didn't have any sarcastic comment for her." Friedman said. The whole room gasped." So I conclude she summoned her machine Deathtrap while she fell and made it catch her."

"Aw Gaige." Maya sounded disappointed in her.

"Pussied out like a real bitch." Salvador said.

Brick got in front of her and screamed at the top of his lungs," DISQUALIEFIED!"

"It was worth a shot..."Gaige said.

"She might of been able to cheat death but she can't cheat." Friedman puts sunglasses on."The law."

YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAA!

"Where did that music come from?" Maya asked, looking around the room for the source. Marshal Friedman left the room and Brick began to speak..

"Let's put this disgrace behind us. Zero, it's your turn."

A question mark appeared on Zero's face while he pondered what he could do. "What is more harmful/than a Nuken to the legs?/ very perplexing." A commotion was heard outside of the room everyone was gathered in. When they peaked out they saw Axton getting thrown outside of Moxxi's bar.

"I don't need yas beer. I's has my own beers right here!" Axton yelled at the bartender while he pointed at his crotch."What the hell is this?"

"Wow he got drunk really fast. Is he a lightweight?" Gaige asked.

"He did have to drink off the conversation he had with Claptrap. Probably had fifty beers in just ten minutes." Maya said. Axton turned around to see everyone looking at him.

"Oh hey guys! Did I win yet?" He walked over to them, stumbling a bit on the way.

"Well you beat Gaige, but Zero still ha-" Maya was interrupted by a quick glomp from Axton.

"MAYA! Anyone ever tells ya how sexy you look?" Axton said.

"Axton this isn't the place-" Again, Maya was stopped by the intoxicated Axton when he said.

"I mean DAT ASS and DAT CHEST! Youse can maks all the gals go wild with that!"

Salvador, Gaige, and Brick began snickering behind the two. Maya of course heard this and felt embarrassed. Although, she couldn't help but feel a little bit happy from the compliments she's getting." Wait-what did he say?" Maya thought.

"Did you just say girls?" Maya asked.

"Yas! You, Maya, are one sexy looking guy!" Axton said. The snickers behind Maya turned into a loud outburst of laughs. Maya is now fully embarrassed. Red in the face. No hint of happiness.

"You shoulds totally go out with Gaige." Axton said. Then the laughs grew into guffaws, even though Gaige wasn't participating. Brick and Salvador was having a great time at the expense of Maya and Gaige. The two woman were enraged by this slap to their dignity. Their anger boiled together and they are prepared to unleash it.

"Gaige." Maya said.

"Yea?"

"Let's blow him up." Maya said. Her tattoo glowed as she pulled out her rocket launcher.

"We'll give him an explosion Torgue will be proud of!" Gaige said while pulling out her rocket launcher and getting Deathtrap ready.

A ! came on Zero's visor when he got the answer on what he should do."What is more painful/ than an explosion to the/ legs? A bigger one." Zero thought. He dashed in front of Maya and Gaige before they blew up Axton to kingdom come. They both looked at him angrily. Saying "Get out of the way" with their eyes. Zero put on a :3 on his visor in order to plead to them. After being with Zero for awhile they both understood what that meant and backed off.

Zero turned around to face the drunk Axton and told him." Duel me, now."

"Zero, I can't hurts you! Youse is my bestest friend in the whole wide world! Let me tell you a secret-" Axton put his arm around him and started talking but Zero shut him out while he tried to think of a way to provoke him. He wasn't even paying attention to the secret Axton was telling him. But everyone else was. Their jaws dropped from hearing his juicy secret. It was so shocking that it completely changed how everyone thought of Axton. If only you could hear it. After a few seconds, the solution to his problem finally came to Zero.

"Your turret is crap./It can't even kill a rakk./ Give up on that trash." Zero knew his words were harsh. It hit deeper than any sword wound he could leave. It was what Axton needed to sober him up and fill him completely with rage.

"I'm going to blow that mask off your goddamn face for taunting my girl!" Axton yelled. Everyone quickly left the room, but Zero. He stood firmly waiting for Axton to strike. Everyone else carefully watched the events that were about to explode.

Axton got his space while Zero kept standing in position. Axton took out his Nukem and somehow, maybe it was the alcohol still in his system, maybe it was the rage rising, Axton threw out two turrets at the exact same time. When they both let off their nuclear blasts, Axton shot his rocket creating a triple nuclear explosion at Zero. Three mushroom clouds were formed inside the room, shooting the roof off into faraway lands. The force of the triple mushroom explosion was so great that it sent everyone else back flying. Axton hit his back on the wall hard and was stuck there since the force was still carrying him. Gaige is the smallest of the group so she was blown back the furthest. All the way back to the building with the gazebo overhead. Maya and Salvador was thrown back to the metal obstruction at the center of town. Krieg and Brick are the heaviest so the explosion didn't move them that far.

"I bet Torgue is crying tears of joy somewhere 'cuz of this." Brick said while barely looking at the explosion. Krieg was too busy admiring the beauty right in front of him. Three mushroom clouds stood five hundred feet above Sanctuary. They're whitish-orange color made a light that made the already bright day even greater. It was so close to being painful to look at, but luckily everyone was able to observe it without losing their sight. It glowed bright enough for people to see it from the crack under their door. Everyone came out of their house to appreciate the spectacle before them.

"Why god lee! That's there the prettiest darn explosion I ever seen." Scooter said.

"That's absolutely remarkable." Sir Hammerlock said.

"Wow those are the biggest mushroom I've ever seen." Moxxi said. The triple mushroom explosion was even able to be seen outside of Sanctuary. The skags, rakks, and bullymongs saw and even their tiny minds were able to understand the beauty in it. They stopped killing each other so they can watch it together.

Rich business owners were also able to see it. The loved,

"IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL!" Mr. Torgue said. He was now in his third box of tissues from having to see this wonderful event.

And the hated,

"Wow, I don't think I could buy a better explosion than that." Handsome Jack said while he sat aloft his million dollar chair.

That day, July 18, will be forever known on Pandora as EXPLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSIONS! Day.

When it was over, everyone went back to their daily routine. Obviously there was nothing left of Zero. Black ash covered the floor and walls of the room. Axton finally fell from the wall onto the bench below him. Zero then respawned at the station.

"Hopefully your death did not spawn a holiday for everyone to celebrate." The station said. Axton immediately pushed Zero to the wall and pressed his infinity pistol to Zero's skull.

"Take it back." Axton angrily said.

"Sorry." Zero said. Axton got off of him then put his pistol back into his bag.

"That was badass! Nice work Zero." Brick said.

"Aw damn it! Did I just help Zero win?" Axton said.

"You didn't change anything 'cuz I'm still gonna win." Salvador said." Follow me."

Everyone stood behind Salvador as he set the destination for all of them to go. When it was placed, they were all then transported to Frostburn Canyon. They all walked over to the hill that overlooked the bandit base.

"So what are you going to do here Sal?" Gaige asked.

"I'm going to get every bandit in this camp to attack me." Salvador answered. He didn't have any weapons out. He ran into the camp defenseless.

"Come at me hermanos!" He screamed at the very top of his lungs. In moments bandits started coming out after him. Nomads, psychos, midgets and all of their flaming counterparts. Salvador was yelling out a battle cry and was flipping off everyone in the camp.

A midget jumped on his back during his mad dash across the place and started bashing him in the head with his wrench. It barely impede Salvador's movements. The psychos ran up and both smacked Salvador in his stomach. That also didn't stop him. The nomads began shooting him from atop the cliff. Several dozens of bullets and clips had to be shot Into Salvador to finally make him drop to a knee. Once he was like that, the bandits were encouraged to keep on attacking.

"Is that the best you got for me? Beer got more punch than you guys!" Salvador yelled.

"I'm gonna beat you 'til you look like my mama! Then she'll finally accept me! Accept me mama, accept me!" A psycho screamed. More and more of them started piling on Salvador. Hitting him with all sorts of different weapons. Salvador could definitely feel the hurt. The bullets piercing skin and bones. The metal weapons leaving bad bruises and swells. It hurt even more since he doesn't have his shield equipped. The only thing that mitigated the pain he was receiving was the adrenaline he kept going.

"I got this!" Everyone's head turned to where that voice came from. They saw a flaming nomad coming out from a tent with his flamethrower. He didn't hesitate to start torching Salvador even though there are still Psychos around him. Salvador outlast all the enemies around him, even the flaming ones. He was just grinning and cackling like a mad man. Even though his skin became charred and the fire went into his wounds, he still stayed alive.

A goliath came out of a different tent. Salvador saw this as a chance to score some extra points." Hey tin head! I'm gonna take a huge dump in your helmet, then put it right back on your head!" Salvador yelled at the goliath. He did not even have to shoot his helmet to make it come off. That taunt angered him enough to make him take it off himself.

"No one talks shit about my helmet and lives!" The goliath screamed. He ran at Salvador and landed heavy blows on him more painful than anything he has felt already. His vision became blurry as a wave of pain hit him. He knew it was over now. The goliath rose his arms high into the air, then slammed it down on Salvador, ending his life.

"Ugh, that was painful to watch." Maya said.

"Yea, I think we have our winner." Gaige said.

"Now hold up. We still have Krieg left. We can't declare a winner yet." Brick said. Everyone looked over to see what he was going to do. Krieg was shaking all over. He hastily looked all around him and then did what no one expected, he ran away.

"Whoa! Krieg did not just chicken out did he?" Axton asked.

"I've seen him willingly light himself on fire thousands of times. There's no way he would run away from pain." Maya said.

"Let's catch him and find out." Brick said.

They ran all the way back to the fast travel station and saw Krieg digistruct away. When they got closer Salvador respawned back and asked,"What's with all the shocked faces?"

"Krieg just pussyed out." Axton said.

"What?! I see him stab himself to relax, and now he doesn't want to hurt himself." Salvador said.

"I know, that's why we gotta find him." Gaige said. She then opened up the fast travel station and saw where he went." He went to Terramorphous Peak."

"What does he want legendary weapons. Why would he go there?" Maya asked.

"I don't know, we'll just have to go and see." Gaige said. Then she entered the command to digistruct them there.

They arrived and quickly started running up the mountain. When they were at the peak they finally found Krieg standing on the ledge looking down. He looked back towards them when he heard their footsteps approaching.

"Krieg I know you're better than this. Come back and take your pain like a Slab." Brick said.

"We all went through it." Gaige said.

"Well most of us." Maya thought.

Krieg didn't listen to them. Instead, he turned around and leapt off.

"He's going to fall to his death. That's nothing compared to what I went through." Salvador said. Everyone went up to the ledge Krieg was previously at and looked down to see him falling. Somehow, everyone forgot where they were, but it all came back when he came up.

Terramorphous came erupting out of the ground with a mighty roar. When he saw Krieg dropping towards him, he yanked him out of the air and ripped him apart. He tossed both sides of Krieg into his mouth and started crunching down on his body with his giant, sharp teeth. All the while Krieg was laughing like a little kid at an amusement park. Everyone was still able to hear him laughing even while he was in Terramorphous's motuh. Everyone was absolutely shocked to see this. All of their faces were jaw dropped.

"Holy skag sack! That looks so painful." Gaige said.

"Huh, Maya you're up next." Brick said.

"Are you kidding?! I cannot top that. I'm going back to Sanctuary."

"Axton?"

"I think I need to go to Moxxi's and drink what I've just seen away."

"Gai- oh wait you're a cheater nevermind. "

"I wouldn't want to do something that can beat that anyway. I'm leaving."

"Zero?"

He didn't even reply. He just left with a :( on his visor.

"Sal?"

"I know my limits amigo. I'm gonna go kill those bandits back at frostburn."

"Then we finally have our winner. I'll just leave this here for when he's done enjoying his self." Brick sat the treasure chest on the ground and then left with the rest.

After sacrificing himself to Terramorphous one hundred times, Krieg finally had his fill and decided to see what was in the golden chest. He cracked it opened and was delighted to see what is inside.

"What a wonderful Massacre tool!

**A/N: I got this idea from a conversation I had with a fellow writer. It was pretty fun to write this other than my main story for once. I have a few more ideas for borderlands but when I will get them out, well I don't know. Also are you wondering what secret Axton said and what is inside the chest? Because I am too.**


End file.
